


Painful Memories

by Echele78



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Coda, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-23 01:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30047532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echele78/pseuds/Echele78
Summary: The extended version of Magnus' "Stay With Me" speech that happened in Maryse's bookstore in 3x18.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27
Collections: SHBingo 20-21





	Painful Memories

**Author's Note:**

> For my SH Bingo square: Memories

“Days ago, I didn’t know the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good.”

  
Magnus is stunned by the words Alec just said. He’s almost rooted to the floor in shock but as Alec passes by him to leave, he grabs Alec’s arm and turns him to face him. Alec won’t look at him. He keeps his head down and eyes closed. Magnus holds on to Alec’s biceps as he tries to convince Alec to stay with him.

  
“No, no, no, please. I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my home, my job, my powers. I’ve lost others before, but I can’t lose you, Alec. Not now.” He releases Alec and steps away from him. When Alec doesn’t move, Magnus begins to pace nervously, wringing his hands as he talks.

  
“I don’t think I’ve ever told you any of this. I remember when Imasu left. I was ‘too much’ for him. From that point on, I always thought I was too much for anyone...until you. You are the one who accepted me, all of me, exactly the way I am.

  
“Camille took my love for granted and used me as a plaything. My memories of my time with her still haunt me. I have always trusted that you would never take what we have for granted. I knew I could always count on you.

  
“George died on the battlefield in my arms. As he lay with his head in my lap, I stroked his hair and whispered what I hoped were comforting words to him. I remember silently praying to any God that may be out there for them to let him live. They did not. I was so scared for him, like I was scared for you. Seeing you with that arrow in your chest...that’s a memory I’d like to forget.”

  
Magnus stops pacing and stands in front of Alec. “Alexander, please look at me.”

  
Alec slowly releases a breath then raises his head to face Magnus. Magnus can see him gather the courage to open his eyes and look at him. Magnus cautiously approaches Alec and cradles his face in his hands, resting their foreheads together. “All my life I’ve known the risk of falling in love, especially with a mortal. That me being immortal meant I would outlive them and they would become beautiful memories of the wonderful times we shared. I accepted that the time I had with them was time enough, but I can’t, no, I won’t accept this. I have never asked...begged...anyone to stay, but I’m asking _you_ now. Please Alexander...stay with me.”

  
Magnus takes a chance and gently kisses Alec, hoping that will reignite their own spark. When Magnus pulls away he adds, “Come on...please...stay. I can’t live through you just becoming another memory. It will break me.”

  
Alec didn’t shy away from the first kiss, but Magnus could tell that it was one-sided, so he tries again. This time, Alec subtly responds but then reaches up and pulls Magnus’ hands away from his face. On a shaky breath, all Alec can manage is “Magnus, I’m sorry. I can’t.” He steps away from Magnus and leaves the bookstore without looking back. The door closes behind Alec with a soft click, the sound of which is almost drowned out by the sound of Magnus’ breaking heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate every kudo and/or comment. Stay safe out there. <3
> 
> If you'd like to continue the tears and know how Alec fared after he left, you can read my first fic, Hindsight, [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754737)


End file.
